Brave Love

Responding to symptoms of mental ill-health can be tricky. It can be super stressful when an episode of distress in your young person presents itself. And if episodes increase in occurence or duration, it can be traumatic for a parent-carer.

It's no fun witnessing your own child's experience of emotional disregulation, and less fun when you're required to be the first-responder to their mental health distress.

We've all had times when we tune out, opt out, or freak out - but we also understand that if we're characterised by these responses, its not going to be helpful for our young person.

So, what do we do?

What does it look like to walk the line of acknowledging the validity of our fear or fatigue, yet still be able to respond in a purposeful way in the moment of distress?

We think our Brave L.O.V.E. framework can be helpful for parent-carers in the midst of providing everyday mental health care:

• LEAN IN

• ORGANISE MY FEELINGS

• VALUE MY PERSON

• EXTEND THE STORY

LEAN IN

Observing symptoms of mental ill-health can spark a first response of 'pulling away' - avoiding or withdrawing from the situation.  But our person is more likely to feel supported through speech or posture that communicates a desire to be present with them in their distress.

ORGANISE MY FEELINGS

It can be challenging to lean in when we're experiencing our own 'big feelings'.  Fear, uncertainty, fatigue or frustration.  These natural responses to our person's distress are ours to manage, not theirs.

Providing support means noticing what's happening in our own body - identifying our own feelings, and responding in a way that assures our person we are there for them.

Sometimes this means delaying our own emotional needs in the moment of the interaction.

VALUE MY PERSON

Many health professionals speak about the practice of differentiation.  This not only means resisting the urge to make their distress about us ('if they are struggling, then maybe I've done something wrong'), but also differentiating between the person's struggle, and the person themselves.

They are not an 'anxious person', they are a 'person experiencing anxiety.'

They are not a 'depressed person', they are a 'person experiencing depression'.

This differentiation, a valuing of them as a person - distinct from their struggle - can be a huge help.

EXTEND THE STORY

We all need hope, and each interaction with our person comes with the opportunity to communicate hope.

Finding ways to communicate that 'this conversation (or this event) is not the final word' can be super-helpful.

Think about it, phrases like: 'see you next week', or 'the next time we talk', or 'would it help if I went with you?' - they can be powerful in prompting our person's imagination toward the path of recovery from their distress.

L.O.V.E.

You might not feel ready for the ups and downs of accompanying your young person in their mental health journey, but we want to reassure you that it's possible if you take one step at a time - and that you can season each step with a little bit of LOVE.