The In-Between Cafe

When my son started wearing make-up at 14, it was outside my frame of reference. I understood this was an important way for him to express himself, so I managed to adjust the ‘aspect ratio’ on my parental expectations.

As I look back, I think I did ‘OK’ at providing a safe space at home for the spectrum of flamboyance among all my kids, but I didn’t always get it right.

I didn’t always successfully make space for ‘sparkle.’ Partly because i knew my kids would encounter environments where ‘sparkle safety’ is at an all-time low.

Sparkle can mean different things in different places. Different reactions. Different perspectives. Different prejudices.

In light of this, how do I make space for healthy conversation when judgment and mis-understanding are ready to pounce?

And in a world where algorithms send us down rabbit-holes that drive us far away from one another, is it even possible to find space for listening to another’s perspective or story?

It might sound strange at first, but I think I've found a place.

There is an 'Elvis-themed' dining experience on the outskirts of Abu-Ghosh in the nation-state of Israel.

The road connecting the renowned West Bank with the coastal plains might seem like an obscure location for the 'Elvis American Cafe', but when the long history of the region is considered it begins to make sense.

This stretch of land identified as the 'Judean foothills' in the Christian Scriptures is also known in the Hebrew language as ‘Shephalah’. The region is more than a geographical location, it is a region littered with stories of the ‘in-between’.

Shephalah is the 'buffer-zone', a place where mediation and wrestle occur — sometimes resulting in conflict, and sometimes resulting in treaty.

Ancient literature recounts how the pagans from the coastlands interact with the pious as they descend from the religious bastion of Jerusalem.

Examples of living in the in-between continue to endure in current times. Throughout the Shephalah there are small villages where Jews and Muslims and Christians co-exist in functional governance and community.

Abu-Ghosh is one such village — uniquely demonstrating the possibility of people living their lives with mutual respect.

Able to live together in the in-between. Perhaps able to live together because of the in-between.

So, an annual gathering of Elvis impersonators almost makes sense in this 'in-between' part of the world.

This is a place where it’s safe to meet — whether you’re from the mountain, or the plains — safe to croon, safe to slick back your hair, maybe even don a sequin-covered jumpsuit.

Making space for ‘sparkle’.

It’s in the region of the in-between where the most obscure interactions, the most unexpected celebrations, even the most controversial discourse can happen.

I often wonder how I create an ‘in-between cafe’ in my own household.

This kind of space might be what's required for a political discussion, or a big decision that needs to be made, or a healthy 'coming out' for my young person -- this land of in-between -- from this place, we might make space for sparkle.

Your family probably doesn't need to travel to Abu-Ghosh for your 'in-between cafe' conversations, but if dressing up as Elvis helps, send me a pic!